Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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