sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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