I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
