Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
