why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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