I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
