you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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