I saw his package. It spoke to me.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
