My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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