is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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