I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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