hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
