My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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