My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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