I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Randomize