When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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