Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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