Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize