tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i've created a new STD.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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