i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
