Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Randomize