She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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