Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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