Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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