Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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