You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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