I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
