I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
