I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
