Porn is love you can see.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
