The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize