Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
