I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
