omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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