After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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