UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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