Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
now i know why i became what i already was.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
