So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
