she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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