I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
