The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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