pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
