I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
