i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
