dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
