her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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