you're like a bully in the Christmas story
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
