I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
