is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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