Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
