I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
