yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
