And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
