Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize