god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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