whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
