Hey man sorry I got all grabby
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
