is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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