I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
