i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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