So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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