just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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