I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
