You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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