Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
