thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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