Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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