When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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