Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
