sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
