Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
