i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
