it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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