batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
