ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
