I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
