had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
