I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize