So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
