It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
