Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
