my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
