Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
