Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
