i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize