Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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