Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
