...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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