There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
