Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
