I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
