We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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