found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize