Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
