Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
