i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
