I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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