I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you win again, gameday.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
