I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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