I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize