He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
