Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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