P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
