I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I wish there were birth control emojis
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
be right there i have to get my cape
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize