I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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